07/08/11 Show Recap
90s Rock Friday began with nearly 40 minutes of fart and dick jokes on Spotcenter between Spot and Covino. But nothing excited Spot more than the upcoming premiere of the last (or is it…?) Harry Potter film. “If it’s anything close to what the book was, then it will be non-stop action” exclaimed Spot. Covino was just ready for the whole series to be over.
Spot informed the show that according to a friend, Daniel Radcliffe apparently is packing a lot of heat in his magical wand region.
Meanwhile some dude-bros on the forum are noting that Rich is turning more into Jay Leno as the shows go on.
Rich came in just before the show started to continue a debate about cocks with Spot and Covino. Covino threw out a random fact: the left nut hangs lower than the right one 90% of the time. Spot also added that the lower your nuts are, the lower they’ll hang.
Covino and Spot posed a question to Rich: What should hang lower: Your dick on your balls?
Rich said it was clearly your balls that should hang lower.
“If your balls hang to your thigh, then you’re trying to tell me that your dick reaches that low?” Rich asked. “Stop lying about your cock, mandingo!”
Rich said the exception to the rule was if you’re black on a hot summer day.
And with that, the Covino and Rich kicked off an action-packed Friday.
Speaking of men on hot summer days, Covino and Rich exchanged some of their favorite childhood outdoor water activities.
For Rich it was all about going to the pool all the time. Rich talked about how “cool” he thought he was by doing all of these flips off the diving board, until one day when a kid cracked his head on the diving board and blood got everywhere.
Rich also talked about a time when he dove into the pool, swam all the way to a random lady who Rich thought was his mother (she had on the same swimming suit), jumped her, then dunked her underway before he realized what he had just done.
“She was like ‘What the fuck are you doing?’” recalled Rich.
Covino’s childhood memory was a little more fuzzy than Rich’s. He recalled hanging out in his grandmother’s neighborhood in Irvington, New Jersey where he would see this “little community pool on wheels” drive around.
“That sounds so ghetto” Rich replied. Rich was absolutely certain Covino was making this stuff up.
“They would open up the fire hydrants and have a block party” Covino continued. “This truck would come down and say ‘yo swim in this truck.’”
Covino said that maybe he was just dreaming all of this, but he was nearly convinced that this whole experience was real. He even went to google it while Rich and other dude-bros made fun of him.
Covino then added another shocking element to this community pool truck: there were tilt-a-whirls on the top.
Now Rich was even more convinced Covino was making this up.
“Why do you make it sound like you grew up in the hood, Covino”? asked Rich.
Spot even chimed in and said that he and Covino grew up near each other, and he has never heard of a community pool on wheels (let alone one with a tilt-a-whirl on top of it).
Then all of the sudden dude-bros started calling in saying that such a ride in fact existed. One lady talked about a “half-moon” ride that when through her neighborhood when she was a kid. Another dude-bro talked about a similar ride with “slides for babies” on it.
“Picture a dumpster with glass windows on the side, and kids frolicking in there and having fun!” Covino said.
Now on to something we can all agree exists: the ice cream man. Covino said the ice cream man creeps him out. Rich played the “Mr. Softee” theme and said whenever he hears it he “runs out of instinct.”
Rich made an interesting observation about ice cream trucks: The window where you order is to low for the ice cream man, and it’s too high for the kids ordering.
Covino said it’s dangerous when “kids hear that shit, and start running” into the streets.
Covino is right about the dangerous part, just ask this guy:
Rich brought up a scandal that went down in New York, where Mr. Softee is suing all of the ice cream trucks who are using the name “softee”.
In other news, Layla bought a new salsa the other day called “Homeboy Salsa”. Covino loved the new salsa, while Rich conceded that he “fell victim to marketing” and chose salsa based off of how cool the label looked.
Rich then asked the dude-bro nation what their thoughts were on men wearing sleeveless shirts. Covino said you can pull the look off if you’re on the beach, just not at work.
Rich said that’s not what he was referring to, rather, he was talking about just walking around town and wearing a sleeveless shirt.
“Does that just wreak of white trash or guido?” Rich asked. “Unless you’re a redneck, I don’t think you can pull this off.”
Covino said that his dad rocks sleeveless shirts, and he has a mustache.
Rich later added that not only do you have to be white trash to wear a sleeveless shirt, but that you also needed to be ripped.
Covino did not see what was so weird about wearing sleeveless shirts though. He said that at some times it can be considered “white trash”, but didn’t share the same disdain for the style that Rich had.
Spot said that you should be in shape if you’re going to go sleeveless, so you can avoid “side boob.” An ever more perplexing question for spot was where all the sweat goes on a person in a sleeveless shirt.
Covino didn’t understand what Spot was so perplexed about, and that it was obvious where all the sweat goes: down the side.
“Spot, not everyone sweats like a sasquatch like you do.” Covino said.
Rich really started to piss off the dude-bro forum on this topic. Some dude-bros started calling Rich a “diva”. Some bring up Rich’s V-neck tee shirts, and say he looks like Eric from True Blood. Some called Rich “twinkle toes” and brought up his sandals.
“I had no clue just how many dude-bros wore sleeveless shirts.” Exclaimed Rich.
“You know what it comes down to?” Covino asked. “You guys are just nerds.” Covino also mentioned tattoo sleeves, and that sometimes guys just want to show that off.
“You guys are just geeks!” Covino continued.
Despite the spirited debate that dude-bros were having with Rich, one listener did not find the topic interesting. A listener named Bob called in and was pissed that Covino and Rich would spend a half hour talking about something like sleeveless shirts, and accused the guys of not prepping for their show.
“Hey Bob, what would you rather me wear so you could suck my dick?” asked Rich.
Covino added: “Bob should check out that new channel: SiriusXM LAME”
Rich had had enough of the criticism, and decided to go sleeveless for the rest of the show. He grabbed an “LA Noire” shirt, cut the sleeves, and put it on for the second half of the show.
Covino thought Rich didn’t look half bad.
“You actually look cool in that sleeveless shirt.” Covino remarked. “Too bad you’re not really cool in real life.”
Heading into the second hour Covino decided to drop some random rock music trivia: In Green Jelly’s song “Three little Pigs”, the guy who sings “not by the hair on my chinny chin chin” is actually the lead singer of Tool, Maynard James Keenan.
Covino then briefly talked about some of small things that he enjoys. Covino loves palm trees, and says he always get excited when he sees one on the west coast.
Covino also revealed what might be the gayest thing he has ever admitted to on the show: He loves humming birds.
“I’m like the Mike Tyson of humming birds” Covino said. “I want to start racing them like Tyson and his pigeons.”
Covino continued by saying that he “gets a halfey like Travis Halfner” every time he sees humming birds.
A dude-bro even texted into the show and suggested that Covino gets a humming bird tattoo on his lower back.
In sad news, this past Thursday a Texas Rangers fan died after falling 20 feet over a railing during a game. 39-year-old firefighter and dad, Shannon Stone, was trying to catch a foul ball, called for Josh Hamilton to throw it to up, reached out but then slip and fell. He had brought his son to the game, and no doubt wanted to give the ball to him.
Some of Stone’s last words were for his son, and he wanted the authorities to make sure he was all right. Stone later died at a hospital that night.
According to the Rangers Hamilton is devastated about the accident, but Rich said that people should not blame Hamilton for what happened. Rich said that so many people were involved with this, and so many things could have gone differently.
Covino said it’s sad to think about the kid who watched his dad die.
Rich played an audio clip of the announcers talking about the fall on the show. Covino wondered if the announcers felt bad for laughing about the fall (at the time they had no idea how serious it was).
On a lighter note, a dude-bro called in and asked Covino for an update on the dog situation at his house. As you all know, Covino wanted the dogs to be outside dogs during the night, while Layla wanted the dogs stay indoors.
Covino said that dogs, who are Chihuahuas, stay outside all day, but come in during the evening in the wash room.
“You make them hang out all day in the heat?” Rich asked surprisingly.
“The dogs are Mexican! They can handle the heat!” Covino said. “They love it like William Lovitt (Lyle’s dad)” Covino would later go on to add that he was not in the business of “pampering canines.”
Covino and Rich then started talking about the band Incubus. Covino is a big Incubus fan, and Rich shared some of his favorite Incubus songs like “dig”.
Covino, Rich, and Spot all travel to Phoenix Arizona this weekend for the MLB All-Star break, which got Rich thinking: All guys need to have trips that are designated “guy trips” (even if they’re in a relationship). It’s healthy, and overall a good time especially if your girl trusts you (and vice versa).
Covino and Rich both came to the revelation that all their “real life” friends, not just co-hosts of a radio show and a producer. They have the opportunity for guy vacations, and much needed time to dip away from real life and have “bro time.”
Rich said that sometimes they invite their women, especially if it’s a fun trip like Las Vegas. But then there’s times when Rich goes “You might not want to go on this trip, Sara.” Rich says that it’s important for guys to have at least a few days with their buds, because it is refreshing. Rich also added that a lot of times it makes him appreciate Sara even more when he’s away from her.
But that got Covino thinking: How can guys effectively communicate to their woman that they want to have “guy time” and not upset her?
Rich thinks that your woman should have the instincts to know when you need bro time.
Covino said that some trips are just “no-brainers” for guy vacations, like hunting.
A dude-bro even texted into the show and suggested that Covino go on a humming bird excursion.
“I like that. It’s the Mike Tyson in me.” Covino said. “And yes, I just said ‘Mike Tyson in me.’”
Covino said that all single guys should start preparing future trips with their guy friends.
My fellow Intern (and sadly—an Alabama Crimson Tide fan— Go LSU!), Jeff, said that he has trips set aside for him and his bud, Jeremy. Covino asked a hypothetical question to Jeff about what Jeff would say to his girlfriend about a guy trip to Sydney. Jeff said that he would just do it and go on the guy trip. But Covino doesn’t think it’s that easy when it comes to big trips like that.
Both Rich and Covino said that big trips like that need to be reserved for your girlfriend.
Later that day Spot had a very important meeting with SiriusXM upper management about contract negotiations. Covino and Rich inked their new deal just a couple of days, but Spot still needed to go in and negotiate his portion of the new contract.
Rich made Spot get out a pen and paper, and Covino and Rich started giving Spot a pep talk before his big meeting in a just few minutes.
“Bababooey, you’re the best producer out there!” Covino said to Spot. “You’re technically advanced and superior.”
Rich wanted Spot to repeat after him: “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and God darn it, people like me!”
Rich pointed out that Spot does all the production for the show, which includes taking care of Covino and Rich’s ADD moments, and overseeing two interns. He also does a lot of audio-editing and mixing for the “best of shows” that Covino and Rich have when they’re on vacation.
Covino told Spot that he needed to demand respect in the meeting.
“What do I do, do I just walk out there and put my cock on the table?” asked Spot.
“Yes, lay your cock out there and say ‘I present greatness’” Covino told Spot.
Dude-bros began calling in from across the country and texting Spot giving him advice for the big meeting.
One dude-bro even texted in and said that Spot “brings the woman’s side to every argument.”
“Is that a good thing?” Spot asked.
Rich suggested that Spot should have his own theme song when he comes into the meeting, and started playing “Shots, Shots, Shots”, which you can imagine sounds pretty badass when you switch it around and say “Spot, Spot, Spot.”
Rich also told Spot that he should say: “I’m not in the business of percentages.”
Covino mentioned that Spot took less money to come to SiriusXM, and has taken the show to a whole new level. Covino also noted that all the other shows at SiriusXM have teams of producers, which usually involve several workers. But with the Covino and Rich show, it’s just one producer: Spot.
After a passionate pep talk, Spot marched out of the studio into his big meeting, as the whole room began chanting: “Spot, Spot, Spot!”
“I hope he mentions how talented we are.” Covino told Rich as Spot left.
“You are so fucking selfish… every single time.” Replied Rich.
“I love pep talks.” Covino said. “It’s like when you give your penis a pep talk.”
The only thing this inspirational pep talk was missing was this kid:
Covino and Rich then tackled the top athletes who played a majority of their career with one team, and then for the final few seasons played with a different team and it just looked weird. The guys discussed popular examples like Joe Montana wearing a Chiefs jersey, Joe Namath as a Ram, Robert Parrish as a Hornet, Patrick Ewing playing for the Seattle Sonics, Emmitt Smith as a Cardinal, Hank Aaron as Milwaukee Brewer, and Michael Jordan as Wizard, along with dozens more.
Rich closed out the show with one of his deep thoughts: Looking at the people on your facebook page, how many of those people do you actually know?
Rich said the best way to think about this is pretend that you committed a crime, and on TV there’s a picture of you with your name, and how many people do you think would recognize your name and photo?
Have a great weekend, dude-bros.
-James the Intern.